Steven Quincy Urkel: Oh, put a cork in it, Missy! Jaleel White, the actor best known for playing Steve Urkel on the 1990s sitcom Family Matters, has launched his own cannabis brand - on the day enthusiasts around the globe enjoy a toke. I promised grandma I'd help her get ready. Rachel Crawford: The balcony scene is next. I'm starved. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Carl hasn't moved that fast since he chased a doughnut down hill. I can almost see what you had for lunch! Steve Urkel: Uh, Eddie, is this a bad time? Laura: Well, Steve, I've been trying to convince Waldo that girls find him attractive. Steve Urkel: Well, that may be what happened, but it won't be what the people believe. Self respect. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: [to Laura] Sugar, I realize you're having a hard time, but you've got to stand up for whatever you believe in, or things will never change. All kids 7 and up go to Eddie's room and play Nintendo. Steve Urkel: [drinking spiked punch] What is this? Laura Lee Winslow: [Yelling at Judy who's trying to shove her plate in front of Eddie dishing food] Can you wait? Steve Urkel: Well, ya see, we had a little muffin mayhem. Steve Urkel: I had my first allergy attack when I was nine. Sara Sue Pettyjohn: [stuck up toward Myrtle's lack of style and class] That's the difference between *old* money and *new* money. Carl Otis Winslow: [to the racist cop who pulled Eddie over] You know, I don't know how that badge stays up, because it's pinned to sludge. Get down from there! [Eddie agrees as Mother Winslow and Harriette walks out of the living room]. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well hold on there big guy, listen to this. Newsflash, Eddie! Why, how low can you get? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: This diary belongs to Harriette and I will not violate her privacy. Carl Otis Winslow: [to himself] That's just was well because we might not be allowed to go back into that restaurant again. You made me so nervous that I had to go to the hospital to get the thimble taken off. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Yeah? You're setting a bad example for the kids. [Steve goes to answer the door] I'm going to consummate, I'm going to consummate. Harriette Winslow: And I always mark the year, you gave it to me. And since no one will play with me, I have to say so myself. Steve Urkel: Well, Laura, do you realize what you're asking? College Problems Student Problems Laura Lee Winslow: I know, but he said 'get lost, Laura'. I can't afford a B on my permanent record. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Dad, when are we leaving? No. Laura Lee Winslow: [Urkel voice] Seasons Greetings, Winslows! In fact, do you know what it is Harriet? Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Bright side? This has never happened before. Eddo. Steve Urkel: Practice. Carl Otis Winslow: Look at it again, Harriette. Ms. Steuben: Uh, excuse us just a minute. Was it fair that you stood your father up for bowling? [Rachel walks into the living room with Richie's broken penguin beak, coutesy of a jealous Judy]. Steve Urkel: [last lines of the series] Do I get a welcome home kiss? Harriette Winslow: Honey, that's not true. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Uh, uh isn't this the Zorro audition? I'm getting dizzy. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [brings her in to meet the Winslows] Now don't worry, they don't bite, and even if they do they've had their shots. [Steve is in the kitchen recovering from Laura and her sock stuffed b*obs. When I said my feelings for you might change, I was lying. Steve Urkel: Hey, you gotta get up if want to get dow oh [guests scream as Steve falls off the edge of the roof]. No one's ever called you 'shrimp'. Laura: Is it my imagination or is your voice lower? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [last lines of the series] Do I get a welcome home kiss? The truth is you deserve a kiss. You know that? Weasel: Hey loosen up, Eduardo. Steve Urkel: Mmm, steak. Steve Urkel: [Talking to Eddie and his girlfriend] You heard her, you're all witnesses. Estelle Winslow: Carl! Waldo: You guys think you can walk all over me because I'm dumb. Harriette: Don't even think like that. I only got the date wrong on one flyer. Eddie: [chuckling] I know this one! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: I was thinking you could help me during the test. [strikes a pose] Laura? Carl Otis Winslow: Tomorrow. Laura Lee Winslow: If you're really my guardian angel, where're your wings and your harp? Aunt Oona: Well not good, my kitchen exploded. Weasel: Yeah chill. Now you're going to find out what it's like to be Steve Urkel. He's never used his! From now on, no parties and no TV. Carl Otis Winslow: Now honey, it's really ok Harriette Winslow: No it's not ok, Carl. You think she'll really kiss Steve? Steve Urkel: No, I don't like to disturb anyone. [Urkel is playing Danny Boy on his Swiss Melody Chimes and Carl is furiously awaken by it. [laughs] But you never smile! Carl: [in his regular voice] I have no idea. And I don't get many calls! Steve Urkel: Oh, pasha, you're making me blush again. Needless to say she's not amused as he jumps on there]. Carl Otis Winslow: Well is she still crying? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Opens Diary] January 1, We had a wonderful New Years Eve party, except Carl got sick and threw up in the living room. You don't want to get fried. [heads for the stairs - Carl grabs him by his suspenders] I almost got ya there, Carl. Carl Otis Winslow: Better, I locked him up. Harriette: I guess it wouldn't hurt to take a home economics class. [Goes to feel his head]. During the class picture, you don't have to sit with the girls in the front row and hold up the class. Carl: Well, I'm sorry if I embarrassed you in front of a guy named Weasel. Empty the cash register! Refresh my memory. Judy: Were all of Dad's friends named Darnelle? I didn't kiss you. No phones. Harriette Winslow: [enters the house and sees Curtis] Hi. I met Raoul. Just as I thought. These kids are gonna ruin everything, they have to go. Steve Urkel: Oh great! Steve Urkel: Well, it starts out with a little cough. . Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [driving off] Would you relax, Steve? It meant a lot to me. Harriette Winslow: You have to understand, back in Detroit where he's from, the police are considered the enemy, so he doesn't trust them. When is that party supposed to be. Steve Urkel: No, well, actually it's my Uncle Ernie's hearse. Mont gio sam eea!". Laura Lee Winslow: No, I think we learned that Steve's experiments has gone too far. Carl Otis Winslow: Yep, Benjamin Banneker. Baby Girl: You couldn't push me out of this park if you wanted to! Laura: This is just a model, right? [Urkelbot throws robber into a pile of soupcans]. I wish I'd never done it. I mean, you are very Laura: Let's just put it this way You have the perfect face for your head. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Dad, cash is so impersonal. Not when it's swirling around a porcelain tank. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: [Tries to hold Eddie from pounding their friends] Eddo. I'll just begin a rigorist-training schedule. Laura: Curtis, I got my hair done, my nails. I may get F's, but, by God, I earn them! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Who would've thought Harriette was a bit friendly. Harriette Winslow: Carl, you snuck into my card box and gave me a card that I already have. What did you do? [just got lemon tart filling thrown at him]. Inside this scrawny chest, there beats a heart. Why are you guys dressed like that? I had 8 shots of Espresso, a 6-pack of Jolt Cola, and a large bowl of Froot Loops with extra sugar. Carl was his horse. Then he unfolds it] Well Tell me again. Harriette Winslow: Harsh? Carl: Steve, will you please stop sulking and come out of the bathroom? You can stay. Harriette Winslow: Well, Eddie said something came up, but he promised he'd empty the trash tomorrow. We all stand nice and quiet until Gramps and Granny make it legal. Harriette Winslow: Now let's hit the sack. Does that about cover it? That's one for the books! Ms. Steuben: Well, I guess he's changed a little. [laughs]. We're having big fun here. Sign up | Log in An . [the oven explodes from the kitchen and Waldo emerges], Waldo Geraldo Faldo: I think we're gonna need a new stove and a floor to put it on. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Oh honey, I hope they don't cheer too hard. And there is nothing you can do to ever change my mind. Steve Urkel: Now, relax, Eddie. Eddie: I don't see what getting beat up is gonna prove. Steve Urkel: And lose that wonderful ocean flavor? I may get a B. Laura: Dad, this is serious. He did for suspenders in the 1990s what Robin Williams' Mork from "Ork" did in the 1980s - he made them cool. Poor Laura has worked so hard and now she has to drop out of the race. Carl Otis Winslow: Only 2 of them were his. Steve Urkel: Of course. Carl: Oh, you heard me, don't ever come back. Carl: There is a guy on our couch who says I remember him, but I don't remember him. You're grounded for two weeks and you are to stay away from my car until it learns self-defense. Harriette Winslow: So what you're saying is it's full. Ty: No, he's Eddie's brother. Stefan Urkelle: [Fed up with Carl Urkel annoying him constantly] That's it, go home! No. All we had to do was drop some dead guy off at the graveyard. Because, I already told him I do remember him. Steve Urkel: I hurt myself. All the pins look like Laura! "Family Matters Quotes." [Stefan tries to stop the chamber and the chamber ends up being busted. For that matter why isn't everybody? Steve Urkel: Oh no! That wasn't a rock video. Laura Lee Winslow: It was just a little practical joke. You know that in Kenya, "Urkel" means "a benign cyst on the foreleg of a wildebeest"? Carl Otis Winslow: Hey, I mean every word, sweetheart. Cornelius Eugene Urkel aka OGD: You all right, Mr.W, [he teaches Carl how to handshake in his neighborhood. The black kids won't talk to the white kids, people are calling each other names, taking sides! Laura: Urkel, don't your parents feed you? Was I about to take the Big Sleep? No. We only have to make one quick delivery. It's either a number or a letter! Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Well why aren't you? [He leaves the house]. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Cheating is wrong, Eddie, and you should know that. This means you guys have to go together. Dexter Thornhill: [after being found guilty at Urkel's trial] Darn you Urkel, Darn you to Heck! He's a lawyer! Steven Quincy Urkel: [Grabs a blanket and a pillow and heads to the bathroom only to rush back out seconds later] No! But, it's only a compliment and it doesn't mean anything more than that. Steve Urkel: By any chance, is that something you enjoy? Steve Urkel: A man's gotta do what a man's gotta do. Harriette Winslow: Oh no no no. Steve Urkel: I've fallen and I can't get up! Curtis Williams: I'm Curtis Williams. Dec 25, 2011 - Explore Nadia Hussein's board "Steve Urkel", followed by 259 people on Pinterest. [Puts his jacket on and heads to the Door], Waldo Geraldo Faldo: I may get F's, but, by God, I earn them! The notion was apparently incongruous enough to ABC, the longtime home of the hit comedy ''Family Matters,'' which features the geeky Urkel character, that its executives . Waldo: [pause] Wow! Steve Urkel: I can't! Steven Quincy "Steve" Urkel: Fuffner, I've heard of some low things in my time, but forcing Laura to go to the dance with me is plain dispicable. Steve Urkel: Oh, I'm not joking. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: over and over and over. He just told you to get lost. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Cornelius Eugene Urkel, you have better find a good excuse to leave town soon. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: No thanks, Eddie. Laura: Steve, you're supposed to cook those! Well it's not cool. I love ya too much to build you a dud! Steve Urkel: [Rushed] That's all. Steve Urkel: I've taken a vow of chastity. Steve Urkel: Why, sure! Mucus comes in so many colors. Pretty girl, dark hair your sister for God's sake! Myra Monkhouse: Eddie, Waldo? No! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: I'm flat broke, dad. [walks into the bathroom]. Steve Urkel: Loving you is like trying to touch a star. Steve Urkel: I have a lot of personal experience in first aid. Why, I guarantee you he has studied the best! You gotta fix that machineeeee. Come here. Waldo Geraldo Faldo: Wow. "No mo giet itsu mana! Steve Urkel: To be quite honest, Fuffner; I'd written you off as being incorrigible. I'm finished with this witness, your honor! Steve Urkel: Then your nasal passages swell and your nose and throat slam shut tighter than a clam. Steve Urkel: [thinking he's playing hide and seek with Laura, Eddie, & Judy and a shower starts running] That shower running doesn't fool me Laura! It's the closest I'll ever get to marrying you- thats why I wanted you to have this- no strings attached- just the one to my heart. Right now you have over a 100 crazed teenagers in your backyard ready to boogie. Sergeant Shishka: Don't insult my Army. Steve Urkel: Well, the earth didn't exactly move for me either! Steve is clumsy and obsessive yet charismatic and likable. Introducing yourself to someone new is always scary, whether you're on an app or in person, since the possibility of rejection is part of the deal. That's Lt. Murtaugh. Carl Otis Winslow: I recognized him right away. [opens fire at Urkelbot who catches all the rounds in his hand], Urkelbot: [Urkelbot walks up to the robber and drops the bullets on the floor before lifting the robber off the floor with one hand], Urkelbot: [Terminator Impression] Hasta la vista, baby! Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: What? Why would somebody do this to me?' Curtis Williams: Laura, great timing. Carl's first word was Donut. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Eddo, Eddo, Eddo! I don't *ever* want to work for you again. Steve Urkel: [cracks up] Oh, that's rich! Laura: You know, I just don't get why people are so afraid of our history. Hey Steve, would you like a breast? 11 days ago. 7. Steve Urkel: That's because you don't know what it's like being small. Steve Urkel: [Runs across the couch to get away] Fine, fine, fine! Waldo Geraldo Faldo: [after pulling his underpants out of his jeans] Sir, would you do me the honor of autographing my boxer shorts? Rachel Crawford: Little Richie spoke his first word. Carl Otis Winslow: Well Harriette, what are those people teaching down at that school? Steve Urkel: Ready, my sweet? You can do it! The nuptuals have developed a slight snafu. I was on the bus on the way to day camp when all of a sudden my eyes started to water and I started coughing up all this green stuff. Harriette Winslow: Abrasive? Laura Lee Winslow: First you better sprout a chest. Carl: Maybe you can even resurrect your band. Clarence: [walking into the Winslow house] Well if it ain't the Partridge family. When my dad said you fixed me up with Laura; why, I thought I'd wet my pants! Steve Urkel: [on the stage of the strip club] Stop the music! To rob and murder? Waldo: I said he Hey, you can't trick me! You're so beautiful, you take their breath away. You've got twenty-four hours to drop out of the race or we publish the picture. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Ok dad. Get me a cherry slurpy! Carl Otis Winslow: Don't get cute with me Harriet. Laura Lee Winslow: [enters the room] All right, Curtis. I'll grab my stuff and I'll be out of here tomorrow. My parents would only take Steve if Steve's parents promised to take me. Harriette Winslow, Carl Otis Winslow, Laura Lee Winslow, Rachel Crawford, Estelle 'Mother' Winslow, Judy Winslow, Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: [in the rap video] We are a family, we share all we got and that's easy to see, cuz we are a family! Every year, my relatives send me money in hopes that I won't visit them! Harriette Winslow: [pulls up a chair] Sit down, Carl. Rachel Crawford: Harriette, we've got to talk. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Oh that's sweet, what did he say? Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Oh they love the new me. Harriette Winslow: Yeah. Carl: [Urkel Voice] In the meantime, I have to break the news to Harriette. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Harriette, there is a child outside digging up your azaleas. Carl Otis Winslow: Hello. Stefan Urkelle: Where did you learn all that? When you make a mistake, fess up to it. Harriette: At my table, you eat them. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: That stinks. Nick Neidermeyer: Do I have to remind you who you're talking to? The '90s series "Family Matters" may have been about the Chicago-based Winslow family, but the show's breakout character was actually Winslow neighbor Steve Urkel. Estelle 'Mother' Winslow: Steve, how did you get so good at checkers? Maybe abrasive is the wrong word. Chocum hi chip chok!". Carl Otis Winslow: March 24th, Raoul's houseboat is beautiful. I wanna read it to my mom. Instead of cool, it was set on Nerd. I will not give you a lock of my hair. I just caught her, that's all. Laura Lee Winslow: You couldn't check out a book? I'll teach you. Then, I drove you here in *my* car, and were you pleasant company? Laura: Every time we order another course, you bring your chair closer. I"m going to the mall to hand out gifts to orphans kids. [Willie is upset at Waldo as Laura shows up to the crime. Carl Otis Winslow: All right. I want more Punch! One minute, "Moo!" Carl Otis Winslow: No. Edward 'Eddie' James Arthur Winslow: Yes sir. Steven 'Steve' Quincy Urkel: Chuck is twice the man Raoul is. A heart that hurts. And we practiced for six minutes! Laura Lee Winslow: You're lucky, you got into a great fraternity and all it cost you was your best friend. Carl Otis Winslow: Harriette, I was steamed, I didn't want to do something I'll regret. Myra Monkhouse: Mr.Winslow, I am very sorry. Laura Lee Winslow: No, it really bugs me that Steve is the only guy with enough guts to stand up to Willie. Now I know, I'm not worthy of you- but I love you more now then I did then- Laura Lee Winslow- will you marry me? Steve Urkel: Actually, it was my dad who said that.

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