We made a private sweep all the sunshine off the sidewalks. The two lads objected strongly. P | Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick. Military Aviation Humor | Civil Aviation Humor | Life in the Military | Submit a Joke Problem: "Smoke in cabin." Solution: "Aircrew reminded fleet is no-smoking these days." Problem: "Bad smell in cockpit (B-747)." Solution: "Advice crew to wash every day." Problem: "Missile slow to leave rail." Solution: "Use a real missile. The Blonde Fighter Pilot 33. 30. Military Jokes and Humor stories have always amused and entertained. Anything left behind will be distributed evenly among the flight attendants. 42. All you have to do is remove the dirt.. A military pilot requested a priority landing, because his single-engine jet fighter was running "a bit peaked". This happened several times times throughout the flight. One day, at an event honoring veterans, a young man asked where they had been stationed. ", Warren always replied, "I know Joy, but that helicopter ride is fifty quid, and fifty quid is fifty quid", One year Warren and Joy went to the Show, and Joy said, "Warren, I'm 85 years old. I was the tallest guy in line. To the Soldiers surprise, the Marine was laughing about it. But yours is.. A tank ran over a box of popcorn and killed two Kernals, As we stood in formation at the Pensacola Naval Air Station, our Flight Instructor said, All right! The LOUDEST Military Aviation PHOTOS Best Examples Of Aircraft Camouflage Oxcart/Blackbird Wind-Tunnel Test Models Things You Can See Almost Every Day In Dubai July 29, 2020 Fully Loaded Fighter Jets Showing Off July 2, 2020 Comical Google Maps Glitches With Airplanes May 2, 2020 Bomber Aircraft Low Passes. Marine: Wait, stop. But if you say one word, it's fifty quid". I'm impressed! Oh, youre a troop who survived pepper spray AND mustard gas? The reason? Sidling right up to the student, the speaker shouted in his ear, What would you do for a patient in the event of a nuclear war? She approached one of the women for an explanation: What enabled women here to achieve this marvelous reversal of roles? Land mines, replied the Kuwaiti woman. They bought their four-year-old son two stuffed bears one in a UPS uniform and the other in Marine garb. (Hang up. It was basic training, and I was seated in the barber chair bemoaning the impending loss of my hair when the barber asked, I was the cook.. 6, 2 to cheer, 2 to fire the weapon and 2 to take pictures! However, the mood was brightened when he received a birthday cake from We were inspecting several lots of grenades. ", 55. A military private saying I learned this in boot camp February 24, 2023 Two B-52s Fly Over Tallinn For Estonia Independence Day Military Aviation February 23, 2023 F-35C . Take a look at the military jokes about the U.S. Marine Corps below to find some hilarious quips. How many pilots does it take to screw in a light bulb? Dad got quiet. So he recruited 4 of the best he could find. What is a Soldiers least favorite month? and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. Remember, gravity is not just a good idea. Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble for that, the gunner said. You divertyour course! Mother, as you know, I, too, am a captain in the Air Force. He then added confidentially, Weve already been through three escorts. This website is not affiliated with the United States Marine Corps, and the information on this website does not necessarily reflect the opinions of the Marine Corps as a whole. What did one panicking sailor say to the other? What do you call a snail that boards a Navy ship? There are so many funny military jokes and jabs out there so it took me a while to compile a list of only the best. You might be a Coastie if you forget how to color coordinate normal civilian clothes after weeks of wearing only blue. The veteran bomber pilot answered, "Try this hot-shot". The hotshot said over the air, "Anything you can do, I can do better". When the sailor finishes up, he heads to the sink to wash his hands. Aboard a troop carrier crossing the Atlantic, I noticed a seasick pal of mine losing it over the railing alongside several other soldiers. Ummm no, youre good, he mumbled. The closets could all be mine since he wears the same thing every day. What do pilots and air traffic controllers have in common? Welcome aboard Flight 245 to Calgary. What would As A.J. Fighter Training Manual Airspeed, Altitude, and Brains Two are always needed to successfully complete a flight, 7. What do you call a Marines with an IQ of 160? But 1) In World War II, a German U-boat was sunk because of a malfunctioning toilet. We are currently looking for former Marines to join the team who are interested in writing about tactical gear, survival gear, hiking supplies, etc. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned around, and taxied back past the Cherokee. Our motto was We never retreat, we just backspace.. No, we dont, she said. Why won't you kiss me? Military jokes! Grandpapa Johns Pizza. Home; Jokes; Pictures; Videos; GIFs; Runway 37 Comics; Weird Wings; Today I Learned; Quizzes; Jokes. My startled classmate sat up and responded, Place a temporary filling, sir!. Its not weak, he replied. My 90-year-old dad was giving a talk at our local library about his World War II experiences. 65. The U.S. Air Force chooses their hotels based on the stars. What do you use on your face to keep it so smooth? I asked. with someone braver than you.'. Soon after arriving at basic training, we were marched to the base barbershop, where we were told wed find a clipboard with our names on it. 2010 The Thought & Expression Company, LLC. It helps to keep the pilot cool. 35. Yes, she said. The only time you have too much fuel is when youre on fire. My granddaughters husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. Rodrigues there? Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. Air Traffic Control told the fighter pilot that he was number two, behind a B-52 bomber that had one engine shut down. These jokes are perfect for anyone in the military to laugh at. In the event of an emergency water landing, please paddle to shore and take them with our compliments, 23. What does ARMY mean to you? "As we prepare for takeoff, please make sure your tray tables and seat backs are fully upright in their most uncomfortable position", 18. One is a SEAL, and the other is an otter! He pulled out a pair of running shoes and started putting them on. I told him that I had a date that night and asked for a How did I know my new coworker was a veteran? After my niece returned from her second tour in Iraq, I remarked how beautiful her complexion looked. To begin with, the U.S. in early 2022 had 38,500 troops stationed on German soil almost 40% of the total number it deploys in all of Europe. He grabbed a bagel and took a seat. Pointing to the My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Once during target practice, an unmanned drone flew past an antiaircraft cruiser. Even better, have them explain the joke to you after and have a good laugh yourself. I felt confident as I aimed and squeezed the trigger of my carbine for my first During a combat medical training class, the topic was blast injuries. I dont see it.. Why didnt the troop tell anyone about their rank in the military? You might be a Coastie if a cruise does not sound like a vacation to you. and his platoon of recruits were marching, their sergeant slipped and tumbled down a ravine. 12. This site contains affiliate links. 3. I could have as many babies as I want because giving birth is free. Thanks for coming back for me, the airman said, jumping on the back of the scooter. Then came Dads ships turn. A military cargo plane, flying over a populated area, suddenly loses power and starts to nose down. Dario Leone is an aviation, defense and military writer. Airmens mess, sir.. Marine: Wait, stop. During the question-and-answer period, he was asked, How did you know the war was over? But other times, we also want some good clean humor with no chance of ruffling feathers. Speed is life. Kassidy Barber is the Assistant Editor for VeteranLife.com and MyBaseGuide.com. I thought I was on top of my game that day, Comedian Martha Raye was a great supporter of the military and made many trips to Vietnam to entertain the troops. The sergeants reply: Completely, sir.. I met his wife and baby and was impressed that he had all his flight gear During KP duty, my sergeant ordered me to prepare 100 gallons of soup for that nights dinner. The danger of incident is no jokein 1985, a Japanese 747 airliner lost its tail midflight and plummeted into a mountain, killing 520 in the deadliest aircraft accident involving just one plane . At least SEVEN Cs! He then asked conspiratorially, Do you want to keep your sideburns?I perked up. Feel free to move about as you wish, but please stay inside the plane till we landit's a bit cold outside, and if you walk on the wings it affects the flight pattern". What kind of grades do you need to have in order to join the Navy? 44. Yes, said the lieutenant. Reply: No, I say again. Please remain in your seats with your seat belts fastened while the Captain taxis what's left of our airplane to the gate, 18. If you cant pick it up, paint it. Semper Pie The real definition of USCG is Uncle Sams Confused Group.. Landings are mandatory. The optimist invests the aeroplane and the pessimist invents the parachute. Military jokes, Aviation humor, Military humor Explore Education Career Save From scontent-mxp1-1.xx.fbcdn.net Military Jokes N Nawar K. 644 followers More information Military Jokes Army Humor Funny Photos Funny Images Aviation Humor History Jokes Warrior Quotes Stupid Funny Memes Hilarious More information . Can You Name All 8 United States Uniformed Services? "It took us a while to find a new pilot." Why did the airplane get sent to his room? Your seat cushions can be used for flotation. The Pentagon announced that its fight against ISIS will be called Operation Inherent Resolve. Why was the sergeant made when his son brought home an A in math? The captain returned my salute and responded, LMD 67. Now, I was shy of six feet tall, but when our drill sergeant called for all six-footers to line up, I stepped forward anyway. So, instead, they put me in the Navy since I was a sub-marine. After an overnight flight to meet my father at his latest military assignment, my mother wearily arrived at Rhein-Main Air Base, in Germany, with my eight siblings and me, all under age 11. Anyone wanting to take pictures on our bases airfield needs a letter from public affairs, which happens to be me. These involve the army, the navy, the air force, and other security forces.. Eternal Piece Caller: OK. One day, the rain was pouring like crazy and a big puddle formed in front of a local pub just outside the Navy base. It was our first day on the rifle range at Lackland Air Force Base. All you dummies fall out. As the rest of the squad wandered away, I remained at attention. This class yielded some very famous aircraft, many we still use today. An officer calls a young Soldier to attention, scolding him for not attending camouflage training that morning. In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Since it was a formal affair at a country club, I went in my officers dress blue uniform. They all originally set out to become Marines. What do you call a second lieutenant surrounded by PFCs? Death is just natures way of telling you to watch your airspeed. I set out a roach bombthey defused it. "The pilot was bothered by a noise in the engine," she replies. Ask the Navy to secure a building and they will turn off all the lights and lock all the doors at 1700. Though I Fly Through the Valley of Death ..I Shall Fear No Evil. Guys, do you know some jokes related to military aviation? Im 81 years old, he answered. In the 60s, the CIA hatched a plan to implant a battery and a microphone in a cat so the furry feline could spy on unsuspecting targets. Do not communicate with officers using only Madonna lyrics. Individual use is by implied consent. As the soldiers disembarked, they started to jeer and boo. 100 Hilarious Airplane Jokes That Are Surely to Take Off Unless you're a pilot, an aeronautical engineer, a hang-around traveler, or simply someone who enjoys aviation, airplane jokes are surely right up your alley. One day, while out snapping photos, I was stopped by the military police, who asked for my letter from public affairs. Choose from military jokes such as army jokes, navy jokes and marine jokes that will bring out. 9. Did it work? 14 Funniest Military Jokes Ever (2022 Edition), How to Unregister a Gun in your Name? I cant, he said, but thats his worry now., An Air Force pilot says to a seaman, Youre in the Navy but you cant swim?, The seaman replies, Are you saying that since youre in the Air Force youre able to fly?. My friend kept asking what my military rank was, but I kept telling him its Private. A cookie and a piece of cake joined the army, but eventually, they abandoned their fellow soldiers. (Sign over the entrance to the old SR-71 operating base Kadena, Japan). Why is the United States Air Force the most patriotic military branch? What do you call someone who joined the military out of spite? Tower "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7", Eastern 702 "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure by the way, after we lifted off, we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of the runway", Tower "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on 124.7; did you copy the report from Eastern? I lifted up my rifle and gave it one last try: George!! While in Kuwait, shortly before we deployed to Iraq, a major general told our meeting that we should expect to cross into Iraq in less than 24 hours. He then opened the floor to questions. Officer: Soldier. One day, convinced he could improve things, he told the head cook, If you give me a My granddaughter's husband was complaining about how spellcheck changes the meaning of e-mails when an Air Force officer told him this story: Hed sent a message to 300 of his personnel addressed to Dear Sirs and Maams. It was received as Dear Sirs and Mamas. Phyllis Howard. There are many branches of the military. When I told him I had no clue how to make soup, he handed me a cookbook and instructed, Follow the directions carefully. Now he likes peanuts.. Takeoffs are optional. We were a tough group. The guy put down the paper, turned to my friend, and said, Well, there goes the light bulb.. How do you know when your date with a fighter pilot is halfway over? Reliable sources report that mountains have been known to hide out in clouds. Whats the difference between a special forces member of the Navy and an otter? I have been telling the same joke for a lot of years, but today I will change it up. Caller: Do you have his right number? Theres a post recall and he went to work. Discover the best military jokes with this expansive list that covers some old ones and some new ones to brighten your smile. Officer: Thats no way to address an officer! Having been an architectural draftsman in civilian life, I raised my hand. But I am public affairs, I said. Im throwing up just as far as the rest of these guys.. Well, one time, as I proudly puffed away at our NCO club, an older sergeant growled, Hey, kid, your candy bars on fire.. The trick is to fill the bag of experience before you empty the bag of luck. The gunners very first shot sent the drone into the water! One started by saying, Okay smartass, which one is closer, the moon or Florida? The second responded by saying, Obviously its the moon you cant see Florida!. Explaining the use of the controls to a student "If you push the stick forward, the houses get bigger, if you pull the stick back they get smaller. Spread the humor by leaving a secret written joke on a neighbor's stoop, a colleague's desk, or mail it to your best friend. Dad always bragged about the gunners on his ship. My husbands cousin married a former Marine who now works for United Parcel Service. Perplexed, the fighter pilot asked, "So? If all you can see out of the window is ground that's going round and round and all you can hear is commotion coming from the passenger compartment, things are not at all, as they should be. Emergency Checklist Flying the airplane is more important than radioing your plight to a person on the ground incapable of understanding or doing anything about it. ! Again, no reply. Me: Sorry, you have the wrong number. When I heard him describe the impending birth of his first child as when the baby has boots on the A friend paid my mother a visit. There may be 50 ways to leave your lover, but there are only 4 ways out of this airplane, 20. Decodes 7. My friend, an Air Force officer, was riding his scooter when he passed an airman who didnt salute. Reply: I recommend you divert your course 15 degrees south to avoid a collision. Scan the list below to find some hilarious military one-liners that will make your Navy friend laugh like crazy. Was looking for the best candidate to fill a spot on a field team. Rather than fire a shot, I shouted out the first half of the password: George! Then the sergeant announced that everyone would get a three-day pass except me. It was sheer brilliance. While attempting to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known position? S | No 2 propeller seepage normal - No 1, No 3, and No 4 propellers lack normal seepage. The other Sergeants noticed that he looked more relaxed than ever. 11 of the Best Veteran Memes That Perfectly Sum Up Veteran Humor. After an extremely hard landing, the Flight Attendant said, Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to Regina. Air Force Says OKEY DOKEY?. The instructor walked over until he was eye-to-eye with me, and then just raised a single eyebrow. It was carefully encased in a Tupperware container and came with this note: Dick, when youre finished, can you mail back my container?. At one point, our very intimidating instructor pointed at me and said, Theres been a jeep explosion. Aircraft Pilot "Radar, we're a flight of two A10s, currently overhead and, er, we've forgotten our callsign", Radar Controller: "No problem, we'll allocate temporary ones: adopt callsign Stupid One and Stupid Two". The B-52 continued its flight, straight and level. Then one day I couldnt find it. USA: Choppers Ordered a private to bring back a five-gallon can of dehydrated water (in fact, the sergeant just wanted an empty water can). 11. Here soldiers share what theyve gleaned from past gaffes: I was cold Im convinced my cockroaches have military training. 13:30 comes and goes. While drinking their beers, the smart-ass fighter pilot decided to ask, How many did you end up catching today.. The list below includes humorous one-liners and stories that will make your military friends and family members laugh like never before. The next day, I received a letter addressed to Sgt. Trask (his last name) used that heritage to lord it over me. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool. 1. It was PRIVATE. 14. I admit itI have a tendency to exaggerate, and I was afraid when I joined the Navy that my creativity might get me in trouble. Just Some Insults Learned In the Air Force 'Bot' Tries To Write An Airline Safety Video. What did the Coastie say when his friends asked why he was getting married? As an Amazon Associate, I earn a commission from qualifying purchases at no extra cost to you. But my fears were put to rest one day while getting into formation, which was determined by height. My dad and uncles were all in the Army during wartime, but only two of the three served overseas. Aviation JOKES. So I quit ordering it.. One day, I was told to report to my commanding officer, who ordered me to escort Ms. Raye.

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